Alright, truth be told, I’m literally writing this just to avoid work… which I don’t do often, just one of those days.
Avoiding life. I absolutely hate confrontation or any kind of interaction that seems confrontational. When I daydream, which happens A LOT, I always imagine being the big guy that everyone respects and no one dares mess with. Except for some unlucky punk who hasn’t met me yet. But that’s my imagination… In my head, I’m 6’2″, 200 pounds of pure muscle, and frankly, the best looking guy around. In reality, I’m 5’7″ and 150 of some muscle, and I’m not the best looking guy around. (I’m not saying i’m ugly, I’m just saying, there’s no girls drooling over my looks)… that I know of. 😉 lol
In my daydreams, I handle confrontation like a pro. Some disrespectful punk? I just flex my muscles and tower over him until he runs away (or punch him 30 feet away, whichever happens first). Some random chick who thinks we should be together because she’s the “hottest” thing around, I’m the humble, “bi*** please, I’m looking for someone better than that” guy.
But let’s step back into reality. If some disrespecting punk came up and started pushing me around, I would… well, I honestly don’t know what I’d do in that situation because I’ve never had to deal with it. Why? I go out of my way sometimes to avoid provoking anyone, even for the smallest thing. Like I mentioned above, I’m not the hottest thing around, no girl is going to come up to me talking like that. Another example, a roommate is doesn’t particularly keep an apartment clean (to my organizational preferences) or do things when I think s/he should do them (in my timeline preferences), instead of asking them to do their s***, or even say nicely, “hey will you take out the trash today”, I rant about it to other people. I sure as hell wouldn’t do their dishes or take out the trash when the unspoken but clear situation in the apartment is, I take out recycling, they take out trash. There’s no overlap there, trust me. I let things sit until the roommate decides to do their part.
Let me clarify, these are roommates, not boyfriend/girlfriends, roommates. If i was dating someone and we moved in together, their mess is my mess. We’re cohabiting for the sake of creating a life together. When it comes to roommates though. I lose respect for someone when they just don’t take care of their stuff. If we share a kitchen, common decency is that you won’t leave a dirty pan on the stove. You would put it in the sink so that it’s out of the way of others who also use the said stove. Or if there are dirty dishes in the sink, you leave one side empty so that it can still be used!
See! here I am, ranting about it to the internet rather than dealing with it. I titled this post avoiding life because in doing what I do, “I deprive myself of the opportunity to learn how to deal with these things and I don’t grow as a person”. I realize that this is how it looks to most outsiders looking in, but everything comes to an end, so I justify my actions by saying, it’s not up to me to tell someone how to live. They will learn sooner or later (like karma in a way). I won’t be living with them forever so I put up with it now and look forward to moving out. I treat (weirdly enough) every experience as it’s own category. I mention this a bit in the last post as well. Including mistakes. Let me explain that before I go and actually get back to my actual work.
If I make a mistake (which I hate doing because I’m overly critical on myself when I do), I treated it differently each time. Even if the same mistake happens or something happens in the same “area” for lack of better words, it’s its own box.
I think I need to take a minimalist approach to my brain… Yeah… easier said than done.
Well, I don’t know where else to go with this. I really should get to work. ok then. bye.