Growing Up


This is a hard topic for me. Everyone has their own growing up stories, some talk about the time they realized they were no longer a kid, a time they realized that their “college self” was a phase, etc. How does one talk about growing up if they don’t even really know who or where they are in life. I know I was a kid at one point in life, part of me still wants to feel like one. I know I need to be a more responsible adult, but part of me is still holding on to that “college phase”. There’s so many ways to think about growing up and one of my biggest flaws, is my indecisive nature. I couldn’t decide what to study, yet I got a degree in something I don’t really care for. I can’t decide where I want to move after I finish my master’s, but I keep jumping to and from the idea of living somewhere different.

I know that a new step in life is scary for anyone but growing up was so scattered for me, I don’t think I ever learned how to decide for myself or really how to think for myself. So I’m even more scared that I’m going to make a mistake. I know, I know, mistakes are a part of life and I shouldn’t be afraid to take some risks, but, how do I change? How do I overcome everything I’ve learned in the last 27 years of my life? How do I learn what I need to and stay motivated to keep going when it gets rough?

I want to give you an example of how my mind works and I hope to keep this simple, but it’s really not.

2010: I’m about to graduate high school, I’m going to go to college of business and music.

2010: Wow, the music industry is so fake.

2011: I really love helping people, and many others have said I would make a great nurse.

2011: Going to school for nursing but never actually get anywhere because you had to drop your courses.

2012: Going back to school, at this point, I just want to pass that damn math class. Third time is a charm.

2013: I hate math…

2013: University – Nursing is the most challenging degree here.. yeah, math and science aren’t my thing. I’ll be a high school English teacher. It was always my back up anyways.

2014: Advisor – English is not your strong suit, you should switch your major… See ya!

2014: Guess who’s a business major again! but crap… there’s so many different options… Management, Marketing, Accounting, Finance, Information Systems, etc. Which one is right for ??? I don’t want to be a manager, I like creating things so maybe marketing. Accounting? Finance? HA! yeah right…

2018: Holy shit… I actually finished my degree. I ultimately decided on Marketing because I thought, “oh cool, advertising and being the creative genius!”…. Marketing is NOT advertising. Sure enough, I’m not REALLY using my degree for my current job and truth be told, my current job is not where I want to be.

2019: I want to be a writer (with bad English), I want to be a musician (in a crowded industry), I want to be famous on YouTube (but for what?). I don’t want to be an entrepreneur but here I am wanting to do all these fun things in life but not knowing how to turn them into a job…

If you were able to follow along with that, I applaud you, and now you know the basic gist of how my thought process has been going for the last nine years… I know that only time will tell, but is it too much to ask to want to know if I’m doing the right thing here? But wait Ryan!, don’t let others tell you what’s right for you! Only you can do that for yourself! *Face palm*

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