I had no intentions of writing or posting today but after these first two hours of my morning, I really just need to write and ignore my work and everything around me for a bit. It’s legit one of those days where I’m on the verge of a tearful breakdown and I rarely cry… I definitely do not cry in public. Thankful for my own office..
It’s not like one thing just happened and I broke down or couldn’t handle it. It’s a day when you realize you’ve been holding everything in for days and pretending like nothing is wrong or bothering you when in fact, almost everything IS wrong and bothering you. It’s just that you’re tired. You’ve been tired for days, you’ve been frustrated for so long, but you can’t really do anything about the frustrations. You’re stuck dealing with everything even if you have no control.
I can’t make my current roommate be a better person or roommate, but I also can’t leave yet. I can’t move into my new place until August and that is just killing me. I can’t make my supervisor less controlling or change who my boss is, but I can’t not do my job either. I’m stuck in a whirlwind of anger and resentment and I have no way out of it. I’m stuck under an overwhelmingly big pile of shit that could’ve been avoided. I won’t go into how it could’ve been avoided, but I’m basically cleaning up a mess left behind by one person for months and then expected to know how THEY want it done specifically. Instead of helping me, they’re making it so much more complicated.
So naturally, I have a tendency of making some things in my life more complicated than they need to be. I know, that I make things complicated, so when I say someone else is making my job harder, then you can bet, that it is of epic proportions.
I’m not saying I am unhappy with my job, and I’m not saying that I expected it to be easy. But honestly, I feel like I’m back working for Wal-mart again. Where every manager was on their own page and I got thrown around like a rag doll with no control.
I knew coming into this job that it would be a changing position because it is essentially new. I expected that I would be doing different and something new projects regularly, but I can only handle so much. Even though I would love to be, I’m not superman or batman. I know that as an employed adult, I need to do my job, but when you have a traditional power facing a new aged perspective, it doesn’t bode well when the traditional isn’t willing to change with the society.
What I mean by that, is that they don’t care to realize that the workforce in today’s society is different. Recent graduates have strong mentalities to work hard and do well, but if you have the mentality of, they’re young and can do more, or they’re new, they deserve to be over-worked. It’s harmful! Not only to that person physically, but also mentally/emotionally. Especially in today’s society.
If you’ve read this to the end, I greatly appreciate you. You deserve to be happy and enjoy your life. So take it from me, the old soul millennial, do what makes you happy and find people you enjoy being with. Life will be so much easier to live and experience. I’m not saying don’t take risks or to back down from challenges. I just mean to do so with a good mindset.
I don’t think I was ready for what I’m going through now. Again, thank you for reading this and I wish you all a wonderful day. Cheers.