I learned a very real lesson at the end of December that I’ve learned before, but I really think it stuck with me this time. I want to share it because I’m confident when I say this, but everyone has experienced this at least once in their lifetime.
Planning for the worst and hoping for the best is not always the best idea. No matter how significant the impact on your life is, when you overthink something, it can consume you to a point of fear and misunderstanding. Many times, for those of us who run into this a lot, we plan too far ahead almost beginning to feel sorry for ourselves and concerned with feeling incompetent. And we waste our time thinking about what could be, instead of enjoying what is.
It took me a year to realize what I had been doing to myself. The lesson I learned the hard way in one year, is letting yourself become consumed by ONE vision of your future ultimately affects how you live today.
The above is what I posted to my personal Facebook page, but what I didn’t include was the story behind it. So here it is, exclusively for you.
Back in late 2014, I was having issues seeing and so I decided it was time to get my eyes checked properly. The first doctor I saw was the worst. He basically did some test, then came in and said, “You have Usher’s Syndrome, you’re going blind, and there’s nothing you can do about it.”
Uhm. What the fuck.. I was pissed after that appointment. I refused to go back and see the guy. Well, long story short, I do have Usher’s Syndrome, but at least when I was told this by another doctor, he explained that it wasn’t what it seemed. I’ll talk more about my blindness in another post.
Another diagnosis I was given and was “confirmed” by another doctor was Retinitis Pigmentosa. It is a degenerative disease that does indeed take your vision completely slowly from the outside moving inward. I showed signs of it due to an ERG, Electroretinogram. However, the signs he was seeing also explain other eye diseases. At the beginning of 2018, I started noticing my peripheral vision getting slightly worse. I took that as a sign that, surely, blindness was coming for me. So for the last year, I was consumed with the idea of being blind within the next few years.
I researched other blind people, I started following YouTube channels, and reading Blogs by other blind people trying to learn as much as I could about living blind. I was so involved with the idea that there was no other alternative in life. I was going blind, I need to prepare, and I need to start making decisions now. I was so deep in this mindset that I failed to truly enjoy what was right in front of me. I can see, I can still see.
The point is, don’t let your fear of a single future hold you back from preparing for a different one. Who knows, maybe some of the tests were wrong, maybe I will go completely blind in the next few years, but at least, now I know to not let it hold me back. That’s why I’m doing this blog, that’s why I’m writing music and trying to complete my first album this year, and that’s why I want to do YouTube again. I want to create!
Let’s watch me write, play, and perform. Watch me do what I could’ve and should’ve done sooner. Watch me live the life I want. I deserve it.